Our beloved Scarlett Stone is neck deep in discussion with professional kink expert and “smut peddler,” Lexi Sindel! A sex columnist herself, Scarlett knows a thing or two about BDSM and the complexities that accompany any fetish play. But it’s in this installment of IN DEEP that our grrl learns about a dominatrix’s intricate path towards a delicious destiny of whips and strap-ons.
Who is Lexi Sindel and who were you before she was born?
Well, I am Lexi Sindel, a professional dominatrix and smut peddler extraordinaire. I own the website www.femdomempire.com of which I am very proud. The website showcases women turning the tables on men sexually, my favorite thing to do!
Before I entered the adult realm I was going to school studying art. I have always had interest in art and design. Before my career took off as a Domme, I held jobs in the sales and marketing fields.
I grew up in Los Angeles, CA. My childhood was nice, and I was always involved in various activities in school. Most of my classmates wouldn’t be surprised by what I’m doing now.
I couldn’t tell you a defining moment when “Lexi Sindel” was born; the name just came with the evolution of me.
Every professional dominatrix has a different story. What was your path to becoming the woman you are today?
I have always been a very strong female. I can recall being eleven or twelve and watching my aunt cook and clean for her husband after a full day of work herself. I’d think, “Why doesn’t he get his lazy ass up and make dinner once in a while?” I viewed her as weak, I knew then I never wanted to be placed in that stereotypical female role of a homemaker.
Boyfriends were always set straight early on. They knew I was the boss. I have always demanded to be treated well by male counterparts.
Upon stumbling into the adult industry, I started being confronted by weird fetishes and kinks. Other girls wouldn’t even entertain the idea; I never had a problem with tying guys up and smacking them around. I enjoyed walking men on all fours by a collar and leash or spitting on their face. Submissive men were immediately attracted to my enthusiasm for humiliation and punishment. I actually found it rather odd that more women didn’t enjoy what I loved so much.
Most of the best dommes have experienced being a submissive at one point or another. Do you think it’s necessary to inhabit both roles?
Personally I have never identified with the submissive role. I do not feel that one needs to inhabit both roles to be good at one or the other. If the shoe was on the other foot it would seem weird. I think people should do what makes them happy. There are no set rules on your path to kinky sex, do whatever you want.
Society seems to perceive the “dominatrix” as a female who hates men. How do you think this distorted stereotype arose, and also, what to you have to say to those who believe it to be true?
I am definitely not a man hater, but I do enjoy flipping the power role on men. The first time I took a man with a strap-on it was a real thrill. It felt great to be in the drivers seat taking a man sexually. I think men feel pressure everyday to be a “MAN,” always in control. A lot of guys feel better giving up their power to a woman, even if it is only for a short time. Some people just don’t get what I do, and that is fine.
How do you feel when you’re with a client, shooting a scene, or simply exercising your knowledge of fetish play? Do you feel empowered or is it merely a job?
When I am in front of the camera, I try to have a good time and give my play partner a great experience as well. I do feel extremely confident with my extensive knowledge of fetish play. In fact, I’ve played with hundreds of different people. I enjoy figuring out what makes a new partner tick, pushing their buttons, their likes and dislikes.
The work you do seems to be extremely personal and intense. Does your work life ever bleed into your personal life?
My work and personal life all bleed together. I have had personal subs for years and years. Some of them have met my parents and attended holiday dinners, while others are on payroll or have slept in my bed. I have taken vacations with my subs, and am even the beneficiary on one of their estates. I love my personal subs as family. That being said, I still expect them to get down on their knees and kiss the ground I walk on.
The BDSM lifestyle seems to be covered in lace, latex, or leather. How important is style within the fetish community? And perhaps most importantly, what is your favorite piece of clothing you either own or have worn?
Style is a huge aspect of the BDSM community. I feel it helps people get into their sexy mode. As lingerie would make a housewife feel sexy, a leather corset and boots would help a dominatrix get into the headspace of her role. My favorite outfits right now are my latex cat suits. They feel like my second skin.
What are your thoughts on celebrities like Rihanna who reappropriate the flair and fashion of pro dommes like yourself?
It is fun to play dress-up, and I enjoy seeing fetish wardrobe in pop culture.
You have a delightful website! How would you describe the FemDom Empire in three words?
Shocking, Exciting, Sexy
Do you gain, lose, or keep the same amount of respect for a man who desires to be pegged?
I definitely respect any man who is willing to literally take it up the ass. A lot of guys are curious, but it takes a man who is secure with himself to take the leap.
What is the most significant thing you’ve learned about human sexuality thus far?
I view human sexuality as something that is fluid and ever evolving. Sex is much more fun when you don’t let your hang-ups get in the way of your desires.
If you died today, would your loved ones be surprised by what they find among your possessions?
No, my mom has visited my dungeon. I am a pretty open book with my loved ones. Then again, nothing would shock them at this point.
For the wanna-be-dommes out there, what is your biggest piece of advice?
I don’t have much advice, find your own path