For quite some time now I have tried, on numerous occasions, to try to determine the line between violent and non-violent sex.  The line between the two is so fine and so fragile that most often, the difference between the two is indistinguishable.  Breathing on your partner’s skin can turn into caressing curves, which can eventually develop into fingernails digging into flesh, and before you know it, you’re pulling hair and slapping skin!  There’s no denying that the spectrum of violence during sex is broad and infinite.  But the concept of aggression, roughness, or brutality during intercourse becomes even more complicated with the presence of endorphins, endogenous opioid peptides that ultimately mask the painful nature of violence as pleasure.  So essentially, what would normally feel harmful in your everyday life feels less so while your getting some.

But, this becomes even more muddied when you take into account individual preference.  The ways in which people measure violence during sex is individually relative – one person may view spanking as the definitive violent act, while others may simply see it as the beginnings of foreplay.  Neck biting and deep, fast thrusting can be the ultimate violent act for one person, while for another, the incorporation of BDSM methods is only touching the surface of violence.  As for myself, anything goes as long as I can return the favor to my partner!

From my own personal experience, I have been with men who have never in their life experimented with the fine line between violent and non-violent sex.  I learned the hard way that simply slapping someone’s face while things are getting hot and heavy is the absolutely WRONG thing to do.  Ask first, always!  While this may ruin the mood entirely, believe me when I say that you can find yourself in a situation with someone who has experienced abuse, or perhaps, someone who has been an abuser.  In either case, it’s a slippery slope to having a fun fuck session turn into awkward silences, or in my case, crying and running away from the scene.  Yes, I made a man cry, and yes, it felt a little good.  Nevertheless, I didn’t get my Big-O performance, and instead, I watched a poor guy dash out of my room – socks falling to the floor, tripping over shoe laces – it was lovely.

Point is – get brutal, try a slap, gag, and a kiss.  In fact, try anything you want! But, manners are the key.  Even though you’re getting down and dirty, take a second to ask your partner anything and everything.  You don’t want a runner or a crier on your hands.

Yours truly,
Scarlett Stone