They may have only existed on screen, in the pages of a novel, or on the cutting room floor.  In some instances, they were manufactured by science, animated by graphic designers, idealized by Truman Capote, and idolized by MILF admirers everywhere.  Their livelihood may have only lasted a mere two and a half hours, but their loyal fans have immortalized them in such a way that they will quite literally, live forever.  Needless to say, the future holds a lot of wanking and post-cum cleanup.

Setting themselves apart from the do-gooders and Mary Poppins wannabes, these twenty women are terrifyingly enigmatic in a make you sweat buckets kind of way.  They’ve been described as “disarming,” “clairvoyant,” one that will “eat you alive,” and perhaps most importantly, a “seductive bitch.”  To be in a relationship with just one of them would be a head fuck and a half, a reason to swear off the female gender for good!  But quite honestly, that’s why I love them.  Watching and reading them puts me in an eye-opening daze where all I can do is wish I was as brave or as verbally perverse as they are.  Before my desires to be bad gets the best of me, I remember that these fictional females have teams of writers behind their every word.  If they ever did exist, they would most likely end up committed, broke, or  dead in a ditch somewhere far from unfaltering fandom.

So perhaps it’s best these beauties remain fictional and at bay.  Just like porn stars, these twenty women are disarming because they are a fabrication of reality, an intangible fantasy composed of one part crazy and two part beautiful, otherwise known as the Fictional Females of My Affection…

1. Penny Lane, Almost Famous (2000)

tumblr_mgs9r8oRaU1s1zezzo1_500

“I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.”

2. Alice/Jane, Closer (2004)

tumblr_lw61srFp7X1r8pfb8o1_500

“Hello, stranger.”

3.Isadora Zelda White Stollerman Wing, Fear of Flying (1973)

9660

“Women are their own worst enemies. And guilt is the main weapon of self-torture . . . Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.”

4. Mia Wallace, Pulp Fiction (1994)

Mia-Wallace-pulp-fiction-30439305-500-538

“I said God Damn! God Damn…”

5. Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961)

holly-golightly1

“I’m like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don’t even belong to each other.”

6. Malena Scordia, Malena (2000)

Monica Bellucci as Malena Scordia (1)

“Time has passed, and I have loved many women. And as they’ve held me close… and asked if I will remember them I’ve said, ‘Yes, I will remember you.’ But the only one I’ve never forgotten is the one who never asked… Malena.”

7. Effy Stonem, Skins (2007-2013)

Effy-effy-stonem-11459727-1599-1066

“Nobody breaks my heart.” 

8. Clementine Kruczynski, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

clementine1

“I’m a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!” 

9. Tiffany, Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

tumblr_mhlo1gbUEt1rs3i49o2_500

“I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty an