My pussy, my cunt, my love box, my muff.  Whatever you call it, it’s still the same – one beautiful vagina that’s launched a thousand ships, at least.  If you ask me, I typically call my genitals ‘vagina,’ ‘pussy,’ or ‘cunt,’ and quite obviously, those nick names are neither original nor creative.  But after getting a slew of emails in response to a past article I wrote about naming the vagina, I felt it appropriate to rekindle that fire.  In Scarlett’s Survey of Vagina Names, I discussed a UCLA survey that I participated in where I was asked to come up with as many names, nicknames, and terms in the span of one hour for the vagina.  Students frantically yelled out names you’ve never heard of in your life, regardless of how crass or politically incorrect they may have sounded.

The results ended up proving that as a younger generation, we have the unparalleled ability to come up with names derivative from pop culture, societal influences, pornography, Greek myths, and food.  But the question of which gender is more apt at producing names of quality and quantity was never truly answered.  I’d like to put my faith in my fellow females, as they are in fact typically more creative in nature, and after all, we’re referencing their genitals.  To answer my own inquiry, I restaged the UCLA survey with a group of friends and a few bottles of Champaign.  After an hour, I was amazed by the results.  The men creamed the women, figuratively speaking of course, with 242 terms.  The women fell almost 100 names behind with a total of 136 terms.  The data proved that men are better versed when it comes to generating slang names for the female genitals, and the reasons for this have been theorized in a past article I wrote called Put The Pussy on a Pedestal.  As for my new survey results, I’ve organized them in alphabetical order for all those up for and inspirational, linguistic journey.  But brace yourself, you may get your hands dirty…

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MEN:

Abalone, apple pie, Aranha, baby factory

Baby tunnel, banana milkshake, bat cave, Batman’s hideout, bear trap, big tuna, bitch hole, black hole, bloody cake, bloody cave, breakfast lunch and dinner, budget breaker

Cake, cameltoe, Candyland, career beginner, career ender, cat, Catwoman, Chinese finger trap, chocolate milkshake, chop, circumference, clapper, clicker, clit-house, cobra keeper, cock rider, cock eater, cockpit, control station, cookie monster, crevice

Deathtrap, deer foot, dessert, Devil’s advocate, dick pleaser, dirty girl, dirty south, doorknob, double rimmed (refer to basketball), douche, dragon’s lair

Endless hole, entrance, exit here, expensive

Family jewels box, favorite hole, filet mignon, finger banger, finger warmer, fire exit, first home, fishery, fist acceptor, flower, food, fool’s boss, free

Garbage, garbage can, garbage truck, girlfriend, grand opening, grilled cheese sandwich, g-spot

Hairy monster, hairy tunnel, hamburger bun, hand warmer, hand-replacement, hole, holy grail, home away from home, Homer’s mouth, hotspot

Inbox, insert here

Jamba Juice, jewelry box

Kingdom come, koala bear

La legra, Laguna Honda, Lips McGee, long tunnel, loose-goose, love tunnel, lower lobby, lubricator

Macbook, magma core, man eater, man’s best friend, man-maker, man-trap, maybe it’s Maybalene, menstrater, messy Marvina, microwave, milkshake, Mini Mouse, Miss. Jackson, Miss. Mary Quite Contrary, mistress, money-maker, monkey, moose mouth, Mos Def, mousetrap, mouth-replacement, my love

Naaaaasty, Niagara Falls, nirvana, nookie

Octopus, octopussy, open sesame, Oregon Trail, orgasmatic, oven, oyster

Parking lot, payout, peanut butter milkshake, peck-peck, pencil sharpener, pie, plan a, plan b, pleasure tunnel, point of no return, prize trophy, pudding, puss, pussy on a pedestal

Queefmachine, Queen Elizabeth, quick sand, quiet hole

Reese’s pieces, relationship killer, relationship saver, rider, rubber ducky

Safe-box, sandpaper, sandy, Scooby Doo, seafood, second mouth, Shaggy, significant other, slip and slide, slippery trap, snackateria, space for rent, stankhole, stanky, STD machine, strawberry milkshake, sweet smelling rose

Target practice, the big bad bear, the carpet, the clamp, the cobra tamer, the core, the crypt, the dick taster, the glove compartment, the Grand Canyon, the grinder, the kingdom, the lair, the land down under, the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, the mixer, the monster from the pink lagoon, the muffin, the riddler, the screamer, the stretcher, the subway, the volcano, the well, third hole, tickle machine, tighty-widey, time capsule, time trial, toilet hole, tongue tunnel, train tunnel, treasure chest, true love, turtle shell, twenty-five

Underground

Vagi-gi, vanilla milkshake, Venus Fly Trap

Walk in closet, water hole, waterfall, web browser, wild n’ wet

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WOMEN:

A woman’s best friend, adult Disneyland, Aphrodite

Baby maker, baby tube, black hole, badger, banana split, bean, birth canal, bologna sandwich, Brazil, bun, butterfly